Lectures, Psychology, Statistics, Laptops, Pride, Sapphic and Strictly!

 So this week I've had 2 lectures - both only half the length of normal ones, and wow, they move fast!  Kind of dreading next week when we have 2 lectures of 3 hours each! I have a feeling that I'm going to be rewatching them a couple of times! Cheating? Nope, I'm calling it "using my initiative!"

However, it's also meant I've had the first part of my first assignment. Who'd have thought I'd have struggled so much! I managed to get my knickers in a complete twist about writing an essay before I worked out that actually it was intro, feature 1, feature 2, feature 3, conclusion. Not full on war and peace style essay. My long suffering husband (LSH) is one of the best proof readers I've ever come across, despite or because of the fact that he's severely dyslexic! He read my first draft and was totally honest and confirmed my first feelings that it was total shite. I'd spent most of 2 days on it. Although I'd already got so far into it, I've managed to use most of what I had written.... Whether it was right or not I've gone with the "completion rather than perfection" theory that one of the other students had been given by our tutor.... Managed to sort of get my head around referencing in the APA style (I hope, anyway) and I've submitted the bloody thing! Onwards and upwards.... 

So statistics. Well, we shall see how this bit goes. I'm feeling really scared of this bit. I'm not so good with things like this, but hey ho I'm sure I'm not going to be the only one who doesn't get it at first.... 

New to me laptop purchased yesterday. I needed something windows based, rather than my trusty Chromebook, and actually I'm loving it. It's a great little thing - it's actually bigger and much heavier than my Chromebook and the battery life isn't great, but as I'm going to be using it mostly at home none of that matters! 

We're sorting through the photos that LSH took at Pride. It's bought back all the love, joy, feelings of being me and safe and happy... I've spoken to LSH who I didn't think would enjoy the day at all in the first place, but he really did, he's taken some great photos and we've decided to make it a yearly thing! I'm so pleased! 

I've battled for years with what label I give myself as a sexuality. For years I've sat with the "bi" label, but that's not me. I'm not bisexual. I don't fancy men - only my LSH. I've slept with plenty of men, but never because I've actually been sexually interested in them, mostly as a means to an end, or something that was just expected of me. Maybe it's because of my history, who knows. But I've recently found the label that "fits" me. Sapphic. For all women who love women. This really works for me. I finally find how I wish to identify. Next year I'm wearing this flag as a cape! :) 

It must be said, we're really looking forward to Strictly tonight! Go Johannes and John! 

Pride, Mobility Scooter, Lectures, Pain and Gin

 What a weekend! Pride in Surrey was fabulous! Definitely easier on a mobility scooter rather than crutches! However, apparently I can't call my mobility scooter Roy as "it's a stupid name..." So I'm trying to come up with a new name.... 

So getting on and off trains I thought would be a nightmare, but a huge shout out to the staff of SWR who made it so easy and didn't make me feel like a pita or a lesser being or an inconvenience at all. I'm so definitely up for more train journeys and getting out into the great wide world! 

Pride. What can I say? Fabulous, glitter, drag queens, rainbows. Really great police and event staff presence. I haven't felt as safe or as welcome and included as I did there for the whole day. Only thing I'd change was the food available as the only vegan thing was a burger which apparently was the closest thing to meat - so close you could fool your meat eating friends. Erm, yuk! Definitely not for me, so we ended up heading out and found a Greggs! 

Definitely decided to stay late next year! We only left earlier as our middle one was in too much pain and was exhausted...  Next year though we're going more prepared! 

So first masters lecture tonight. Only half for first one, but wow it was intense. I loved it! Absolutely loved it! Historical and Conceptual issues in psychology! Found it really, really interesting and loved talking to the other students for a couple of bits too! We have, of course, got a WhatsApp group which is lovely - Team MSc! 

So, although I'm feeling really, really daunted I'm also loving being back making my brain work. It also, however means I've got a shit tonne of reading to get done! Best get back to it.... 

Roy

 So, today is a bit of a landmark day. Today I bought a mobility scooter. This may not seem like a huge thing to most people, but to me it's fucking huge. 

At the age of 12 I was diagnosed with "sero-negative polyarthritis" and the prognosis wasn't full of fun.  I was told I'd be in a wheelchair by the time I was 30. I wouldn't have children and I had to give up all the things I loved. As it happens I've now got a rather extensive shopping list of medical diagnoses, 3 children and I still get to do things I loved like playing the piano and bassoon. I've learnt to crochet, I've learnt a bit to play the bass to jam a bit with my eldest and I'm not in a wheelchair yet.... 

But crutches have been killing my shoulders and neck - I have issues with the top and the base of my spine and I've been fighting onwards just on crutches. I can't do it anymore. I took our middle one for a walk around a university and it took me so long to get over it, and the pain was just horrific. So.... at 43, I've written a segment of a best selling book,  gone back to uni as a part time distance student to do a masters degree, had my nose pierced and bought a mobility scooter who I've called Roy.....

I'm making the choice to use this, rather than be forced into it..... Hoping to save some spoons too so I can do the things that I want to do with my husband and my children and dogs. I want to be able to go out and about, not being stuck on crutches and then having to spend weeks doing literally nothing to try to "recharge" enough to live.....